So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
