I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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