It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
