How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
