Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It's never too late to be topless.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
