Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just saw a hot homeless man
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
