OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
