i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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