I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
