tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
