can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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