Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
