I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
