I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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