She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
