I can text with my tongue
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
