They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
