nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
