I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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