it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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