My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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