Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
