i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
meet me or not, i'm out of control
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
