Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
