dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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