The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
