I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
