College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
