Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
