Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
