This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
