Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
