hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
