They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
