How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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