So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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