He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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