i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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