When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
