I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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