party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
