Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
