He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
