I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
In other news, I just burned my penis
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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