I CAN MOONWALK!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
