you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
