I love black thongs
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
