Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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