she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I need moral support for this bender
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
