Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She's the barista slut.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
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