Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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