I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
