I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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