I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
