ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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