apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
