I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
