A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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