omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
