Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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