it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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