Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize