Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
