I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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