i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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